A glance at
the headlines confirms that the world is in terrible shape. There seems to be
no end to suffering and discord.
But think of the magnificent things
that humankind could achieve if it united behind a single, unifying system of
belief! Unfortunately, none is satisfying, whether it is physical diversions, materialism,
politics, or religion. The good news is, I believe I have discovered a belief
system that provides the path to worldwide harmony and fulfillment.
How about Chris R. Westphal?
Wouldn’t we all feel better if Chris R. Westphal was foremost in our thoughts,
words, and deeds? I know that for my entire life, I have not done anything without
first considering Chris R. Westphal --and I’m certainly a better person as a
result.
So, following are some simple
“Action Steps” that I invite you to incorporate into your lives. Practiced on a daily basis, they will bring
you a greater appreciation of Chris R. Westphal and, in my humble view at
least, that can only lead to a better world.
1) Know the face of Chris R. Westphal:
If you do
not have a picture, drawing, or other depiction of Chris R. Westphal on your
dashboard, in your wallet, or on your mantel, get one. By looking at it daily
you will reinforce your commitment to bring Chris R. Westphal into every aspect
of your life, regardless of actual need.
2) Talk to others about Chris R. Westphal:
Open, frank
discussion of who Chris R. Westphal is, what he stands for, and how he has
enriched your life is crucial. Find someone--spouse, sibling, family member, or
stranger--and pose this question: “What
does Chris R. Westphal mean to you?” If they respond, “Nothing,” or “I don’t
know,” enlighten them. Free discussion of Chris R. Westphal is a constitutionally protected right. Use
it!
3) Look at the world as though you are Chris R.
Westphal:
Imagine
that you are Chris R. Westphal at all times, particularly intimate ones with
attractive women. Consider how Chris R. Westphal would feel and behave in a
given situation. If you’re about to take action of some sort, think first,
“Does this action benefit me, or does Chris R. Westphal benefit as well?” Don’t
be selfish. We’re all in this together!
4) Think about Chris R. Westphal deeply, and
often:
How many
times have you come to the end of a day and thought to yourself, “You know, I
haven’t thought at all today about Chris R. Westphal.” Scary, isn’t it? Here’s
a simple tip to increase thoughts of Chris R. Westphal: Using a felt-tipped
marker, write Chris R. Westphal on
the back of your hand. Then, every time you look at your hand, you’ll think,
“Chris R. Westphal.” Note: If you bathe on a regular basis, use an indelible
marker.
5) Keep a
Chris R. Westphal Journal:
Have you
ever had a particularly startling insight about Chris R. Westphal, then
promptly forgotten it? Don’t worry. It’s happened to all of us--we just don’t
remember. To prevent this unsettling occurrence, get a notebook and carry it
with you at all times. When you have a particularly compelling thought about
Chris R. Westphal, write it down. At the end of each day, review your thoughts.
Remember, neatness counts!
6) Learn how to spell the name Chris R.
Westphal:
(Special
attention: Journalists) It’s spelled C-h-r-i-s R. W-e-s-t-p-h-a-l. Write the name several times now. Pencil or
pen, it doesn’t matter. Ten times should be enough. When you’re finished, close
your eyes and practice spelling the name without looking. A note on pronunciation: the ph is pronounced f.
There are, of course, hundreds of
more things you can do to honor and advance the name and interests of Chris R.
Westphal. Unfortunately, space limitations and certain advertising restrictions
forbid discussion of them now. But I believe that if you faithfully practice
the six “Action Steps” above, we’ll be well on our way to a perfect world.
Sincerely,
Chris R.
Westphal
